Almost a year ago, someone told me he wanted to kiss me. I wouldn’t have stopped him if he did, but before he could do something he might possibly regret later, I told him, “If you did that, know that there’s no turning back.”
He asked me why. Then I told him, “Because you just don’t kiss anybody.”
Now some of you might say I’m old-school or that I was weird to say that, but that’s who I am. I just don’t kiss anybody!
And I don’t want someone to kiss me just because they got tempted or that it was just “a moment of weakness.”
When I told him, “If you did that, know that there’s no turning back,” what I meant was that he couldn’t kiss me just like that and forget about it the next day. If he kissed me, then we would have to talk why he kissed me and what he would want to do next. Are we going to remain just friends after that and forget about the kiss? (Could we?) Or are we gonna discuss if we’re ready to move on to the next level?
Despite how I wanted to kiss him that night, deep inside I knew he wouldn’t be ready to discuss moving on to the next level, at least not with me.
He knew I liked him because we’ve talked about it. But he told me he just saw me as a sister, and I respected that. I accepted it and started living with the fact that I’m indeed way older than him and that I can, in fact, be considered his older sister. So if I couldn’t be his girlfriend, then yeah, maybe I can just be an older sister to him. No big deal, right?
But when he told me that night that he wanted to kiss me, I got confused. Although I told him later that we could just forget about it, since nothing really happened, it bothered me still that someone who told me he just saw me as a sister would want to kiss me. Is that really possible? Because based on my own experience, I wouldn’t even think of kissing someone I see just as a brother. Never!
But I guess I’m just really the weird one. Maybe it’s really possible to tell someone that you just see them as a sister or a brother then feel like wanting to kiss them one day!
I wanted to just forget what happened, I did, but I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I wanted to talk about it in person but he said he needed some time alone so I didn’t insist. However, we ended up discussing things through text (which is never a good idea coz things can easily get misunderstood through text). So we ended up fighting. It hurt me like crazy especially after he told me that he didn’t “want to want to pursue a deeper relationship” with me and that the “I wanted to kiss you” was just “a moment of weakness.”
I get it. I really do! The last thing I would want to do is to force someone to be with me or to love me or accept me for who I am.
It sucks to get rejected, right? I got dumped once back in Grad school and I got depressed after that. But I managed to move on. I got over that person who dumped me.
So I told myself that I was going to be okay. I bid goodbye to that sad part of my 2019 for countless times already. And I’m continually working on it! I’ve told myself many times that it’s okay to tell someone you liked them and be “sister-zoned.” I’ve been friend-zoned before, so now I can also say that I’ve been “sister-zoned.”
And now I could also say that I’ve told someone I liked them but got rejected!
Oh, well. Life is indeed a roller-coaster ride – sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down.
Sometimes you get to reject someone, as I’ve done in the past to a few guys who told me they liked me but I didn’t like them back, and sometimes you get rejected by people you like.
That’s life! We just have to face it!
But why am I writing about all these?
Well, I guess, I just wanted to remind myself that my story isn’t finished yet.
And I believe yours, too, my friend. You might be going through some rough time right now but, hey, it isn’t the end of the world yet!
As long as we’re breathing, there’s always hope for a better, brighter tomorrow!
As long as we’re alive, we can always love again even if it would mean we could get hurt AGAIN!
Someone once said that you will never know you have loved until you’ve experienced the pain of losing someone you love. I would say that sounds a little cruel but we know there’s some truth there. So it’s okay to experience pain as long as we don’t remain there. What do I mean by that?
Mourn for your loss, cry if you must, but after you’ve cried all your pain away, pull yourself together and move on!
You’ve got to make that decision to move on and continue with your life! You alone can make that decision for yourself. No one else can!
I know it’s not easy. I know it’s better said than done. Believe me, I exactly know how it feels when people tell you…
“It’s going to be okay.”
“It’s his loss, not yours.”
“You’ve got this. You will find someone better.”
“You’ll feel better after some time. Just cry it all out for now!”
I exactly know how all those words just don’t make sense when you’re hurting. We know they mean well, but it just doesn’t really ease the pain away when we’re in that moment of nothing but pain!
Yes, I’ve been there a lot of times that’s why I can say this, “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay!”
I know that’s not really what you want to hear right now, but believe me, after some time, you’ll start seeing the bright rays of the sun again. It’s not going to rain all the time, is it?
I think I’m old enough now to say that things happen for a reason, but when we’re in it, when we’re in that moment of pain, sometimes it’s hard to see what that reason can possibly be.
That’s why sometimes we just need to step back a little, get out there, meet new people, do something different but meaningful, develop a new hobby, travel to a new place, or even spend some time alone to discover the reason why things happened the way they did. Or maybe sometimes we would realize that they were just NOT meant for us – whether it was a person we loved, a career we wanted so badly, or something we desperately wanted to have. Sometimes, they’re simply NOT for us and we just have to live with that!
But if you think there’s a reason to fight for it, then go for it. Just know when to continue fighting and when to accept defeat.
Sometimes, life is not just about winning. Sometimes it’s also about learning to accept what’s not meant for us but continually hoping that there’s someone out there who could love us for who we really are OR that there’s something out there that is better and greater than what we initially wanted to achieve. And sometimes it’s just about the right timing, too!
I guess I’ve said enough now. Sorry for taking up so much of your time with my lengthy post, but I hope my experience with winning over the pain and hurts in my life had somehow encouraged you to continue winning your own battle with life’s pain, in whatever form that might be!
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NASB
This super duper lengthy post is brought to you by Daily Prompt – JusJoJan the 30th, 2020.
And I just want to say thanks to Linda for this wonderful and fun idea that has helped newbies like me become part of a blogging community and meet new friends from different parts of the world.
Thanks, Linda! 😊