I miss you but a part of me says I shouldn’t because you simply don’t deserve it
I really want to spend time with you, but the other part of me says it’s unnecessary
I try hard not to think of you, but there’s a part of me that can’t seem to stop doing so
Why am I in this situation? Why am I torn? Why am I unsure of what to do?
I thought I had it under control
I thought I had it figured out
I thought I knew better than this
Apparently, I’m still the same me – weak and undecided.
Just like I thought you were better than how you acted
I thought there was more to you than just being cool and charming
I thought you knew better than all those other men I compared you with
It turns out, you seem to be the exact opposite of who I thought you were.
I thought I saw through you; thought I saw a glimpse of who you really are
Despite those walls that you seem to have intentionally built around you
I thought I saw great potentials in who you are and who you can be
But now I can’t help but wonder if I was completely wrong to see you that way.
I hate being here…
I hate being unsure…
I hate having to think twice about what I should say or do
Why do I have to find myself debating whether or not you’re worth having back?
Why can’t life be simple and free of complication for once?
So that I don’t have to think twice whether it’s worth it or not to have you back in my life?
I was doing great. Then you came. Then you left me broken. And now you’re coming back?
What am I supposed to do now? Just accept you again and pretend that nothing happened?
I don’t know; I just don’t know what to do now…
You disappeared for quite a while so I got used to being alone again
Now you’re back and I feel like you’re hoping that everything will be fine
Do I just have to forget everything as if nothing happened? Just like that?
Do I just have to forget the pain you’ve caused me when you left?
Do I just have to pretend that all is well as if you didn’t disappear all of a sudden?
Do I just have to forget that you weren’t there when I needed you the most?
Do you really expect me to be okay with your return without you giving me an explanation?
So what is it, Mister?
What do you want from me?
Are you happy now that you’ve put me in this situation?
Are you satisfied now that despite all you’ve done a part of me still wants to have you back?
But don’t be so certain…
Because there’s still another part of me that is still sensible…
The other part of me that is still debating…
The other part of me that is still thinking and wondering.
Wondering if it’s really worth it to allow myself to be vulnerable again
To forgive you and make you part of my life again
To open up myself into another possibility of being hurt and broken again
To take the risk of having you back despite my fear that you’re gonna leave me again.
So right now, I’m absolutely torn…
I’m unquestionably unsure of what to do…
I’m still debating whether or not it’s a good idea to have you back…
I’m still wondering whether you’re worth taking the risk or NOT!